3 Things I Learned This Winter


You have permission to buy the flowers.

Valentine's Day hit me hard this year. Married for twelve years to my high school sweet heart, this day that was once accompanied with chocolates and cards and plush teddy bears went completely unacknowledged. The reasons for this are complicated, and some will go unsaid, but the truth is that mental illness has come to live in our marriage.

Some days there are gentle smiles between us and tender inside jokes built up over decades of growing up together, but in this season those days are rare. More often there is hurt and misunderstanding and confusion, and always, always a heaviness we never quite seem to be able to move through.

This struggle has strained our marriage nearly to the breaking point. It has robbed us of years of intimacy and closeness. It has cost us friendships, and it has cost us community.

As the years go by we cling to the mercy of God and trust that he is able to make all things new. We pray for his healing and we hold fast to hope even when it looks like our family is unraveling.

I knew I would not be cherished by my husband this Valentine's Day, but the knowing does little to ease the pain.

I made up my mind, even in the midst of hurt, to buy myself the flowers I longed for this Valentine's Day. I reminded myself that before I was a girlfriend, or a wife, or a mother, I was God's beloved child, and I am still God's beloved child whether my marriage is broken or whole (or more likely somewhere in between).

Even though I dream of the day when warmth and love and intimacy will return to my marriage, it turns out there is beauty in my life right now. There are good things worth celebrating right now in the midst of the pain, and I don't need to wait to honor them. I can look for the good right here, right now.

As Kaitlin Bouchillon wrote so beautifully this month in weighing the griefs of singleness, "There are challenges on both sides of every mountain. The grass is not greener on the other side; the grass is greener wherever it is watered and tended to."

So today I am tending the fertile ground of my heart, and breaking myself open before God so that he can cover me with his love.

You may long for a husband, or a baby, or a home, or a job, or any number of things, but you don't have to wait to see your heart's longings realized before you celebrate. You have permission to celebrate right now. You are worthy of being celebrated right now. God is rejoicing over you with delight right now.

You don't have to wait for someone else to acknowledge you. You don't have to wait for life's circumstances to align in your favor. You have permission to buy the flowers.

February may be the shortest month, but it sure feels the longest.

Veteran homeschooler Susan Wise Bauer always reminds those of us in the trenches of home education, "Don't despair. Everyone wants to quit in February."

I'm convinced this isn't unique to homeschoolers. It seems like everyone I know is on the verge of despair, questioning their life trajectory, or at the very least searching flights online and contemplating a move to a warmer climate.

Sometimes it feels like we will never make it to spring. (For what it's worth I also remember feeling this way about August - will we ever make it to fall?). I'm trying to keep a positive attitude and embrace the coziness that winter brings, but every time I look at the ten day forecast and don't see a single day above freezing I feel my mood slipping.

Anyone have any tips for beating the doldrums of winter?

On a lighter note:

If you time it right, you can take all of Modern Mrs. Darcy's courses for just $10.

Taking one of Anne Bogel's bookish online courses through Modern Mrs. Darcy is one of my 19 for 2019. Normally a single class costs $15. Occasionally they go on sale for $10. But I was delighted to discover that with the right timing I could take all of her classes for just $10.

Here's how. I signed up for the monthly membership for $10 a month. I got access to all her online content including 5 hour long courses, the six session Book School experience, and her forums and book club. I then proceeded to blitz through all the courses, taking copious notes in my bullet journal.

I was open to the idea of keeping the membership active and getting the ongoing book club experience, but I didn't find an online book club nearly as satisfying as I'd hoped. Interacting on the forums didn't appeal to me, and listening to Anne talk about the book of the month while other people chimed in via chat wasn't my cup of tea.

I loved the courses, but since the book club wasn't for me I cancelled my membership after one month and got hours of great content for a really great price! And you get access to past classes that aren't available for purchase in the Modern Mrs. Darcy store. If you want to get the best bang for your buck, the monthly membership is definitely the way to go.

I'd love to hear what you've been learning this winter. If you'd like to connect with the rest of the What We Learned community, head on over to Emily P. Freeman's to hear more.

It's also worth noting that Emily has a new book coming out this spring called The Next Right Thing. If you pre-order before April 2nd, you'll get access to the audiobook read by Emily (her voice is lovely!) and her brand new course, Discern + Decide all about how to design a Rule of Life.

 

Comments

  1. I got flowers this Valentine's Day, but they weren't the kind I wanted. They were from my Dad's funeral. Beautiful nonetheless. reminds me of the brevity of life and the promise of eternity. wrote about it in my blog this week. read if you like. thanks for your post.
    http://www.switchbacks.org/2019/02/27/faded-flowers/

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    1. I'm so sorry, Karen! I'm taking a moment to pray for you and your family right now that God would surround you with His love and carry you through this season.

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  2. "I can look for the good right here, right now." <3

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    1. So sweet to see you here, Emily! Thank you.

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  3. Yes ... please buy yourself the flowers, be kind and gentle to yourself.

    We made it through February ...

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  4. February did feel VERY long this year!

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